Welcome to my blog series, Monthly Journal. This month, I’m posting about what I accomplished in June and July. It wasn’t much, unfortunately.
Fibromyalgia flared-up…big time!!!
The Burning Pain of Fibromyalgia
Every morning, I wake up with this awful burning pain all over my body. My back and my arms…all the way down to the tips of my fingers…that’s the worst. I hate this feeling! I just lay in bed for a few minutes after waking up, hoping it will go away…but it doesn’t. So, I get up, get ready, get dressed, and head to my office down the hall. I don’t know how to get out of this flare-up? I haven’t had one this bad in a long time. I’ve spent so many years trying to get rid of this monster, I battle with everyday…18 years to be exact. I’ve been focusing on it, for so long, but nothing I try works for very long. It rears its ugly head, just to remind me that it’s still there…still with me even though I don’t want it to be. I think, I’m just going to ignore it. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’ve spent so much precious time reading, and researching…for what!!! I’m so sick of dealing with it!!! So many people think they know what to do, how to fix it. There are so many books about it. You should see my bookshelves…I have them all.
The thing is, they really don’t know
So, I didn’t do any plotting, or writing, or anything that was remotely related to writing, other than posting a few photos on my writer, Instagram account. When I get like this, and have this much pain, I run to my happy place…Pottery. My new workshop isn’t finished yet, but there are things I can do in the mean time. I’ve been sketching new designs, looking for new glazes and glaze combinations that I want to try, editing pottery photos, and posting on my pottery Instagram account. I really don’t have to think…to do these things. I can override the brain fog this way, and still be very busy. Staying busy, and being creative helps me to ignore the pain.
My writing Instagram account…
My pottery Instagram account…
The first part of July was basically like June. I was still struggling to gain some energy, to get some relief from the intense pain, and feel better. By the middle of July, I saw a little light at the end of the tunnel. I started to have a little bit of energy. What a relief! The intense pain started to lesson as well…small signs that I was starting to feel better, and the brain fog was starting to clear. My body takes a long time to heal, because of Celiac Disease.
This month, I haven’t done any plotting (at least not on paper or on my PC), I haven’t been writing either, but since the middle of July I’ve been able to think about plotting. I’ve come up with a stronger mid-point for the first book, and a few other changes I’d like to make. Everything is still simmering in my head right now. I’m still stuck on #2 of the Snowflake Method, because…
I hate endings…that’s my Achilles heel!
I can’t see my ending, because I haven’t gotten there yet!
I’m a headlight writer.
I can only see what my headlights show me as I drive down a dark, foggy, twisted road. The further I go, the more I see. I’m a strange mix of plotter (I plot a little) and pantser (because I can’t wait to start writing and be creative) and I can’t see past my headlights.
Structure, actually drives me nuts! I don’t like structure, especially when I’m trying to be creative. I’m an artist. There are no rules in Art! I’m also a Scorpio, that means I like freedom, I don’t like being told what to do, and what not to do, or how to do it.
I’m an ENFP…ENFP’s don’t like having limits placed on their freedom, they have big visions of what they want to experience in life. They need freedom to see possibilities and be creative. This is why it’s so difficult for me! I’ve been trying to fit a square peg in a round hole for so long, and it’s just not working. I need to do what comes naturally…to me. I really need to stop stressing about plotting. I need to stop trying to be something I’m not. The more I force myself to plot, the worst it gets. The end result is, I stop writing completely. It doesn’t do me any good to just sit in a parked car, and go nowhere! I need to drive down that road, and get to where I want to be. I need to turn on my headlights and just go.
So, no more listening to what anyone else says. I’m going to do what comes naturally to me, a little plotting, some writing, some editing, a little more plotting, once I get a little further down that foggy, dark road…more writing. I’m still going to do the Snowflake Method (because I’m stubborn) but, I’m taking a different approach. I’m going to do it my way. If I get stuck on a step in the method, I’ll just go around it, and keep going. I can always go back and change things.
To get around step #2, I’m just going to write something down for the end, it doesn’t matter what it is, and move on. I can change it later. What good is it doing me, if I’m stuck there and never move forward. It’s time for me to work on step #3: Write a summary sheet for each character. I’m looking forward to this step. I really like character development. I’ve already dug out some of my books, to help me go deeper with my character development.
The Emotion Thesaurus, The Negative Trait Thesaurus, The Positive Trait Thesaurus, The Emotional Wound Thesaurus, The Rural Setting Thesaurus, and The Urban Setting Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi.
I love these books!
I already have index tabs on two of them.
Hopefully, I can get out of this Fibromyalgia flare-up soon.
I’m going to end this post with this quote, because it gives me some hope.
“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”